In the future, everyone will win the Nobel Peace Prize for 15 minutes.
In other news, the 2012 Olympic Committee announced today that President Barack Obama has been awarded the Gold Medal in the Decathlon, more than two years before the event was scheduled to begin. Commitee members were convinced of his fitness for the award based on shirtless pictures of the President published in People magazine.
President Barack Obama will receive an Emmy for his numerous appearances on television in 2008 and 2009. Particularly cited was his standout performance in the ABC production "Death of a Fly".
The President of the United States has been named as a 2009 Tony Award winner for his stellar attendance at a Broadway show in May 2009.
The producers of the Academy Awards program have announced President Barack Obama as the winner of the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award for lifetime achievement. In addition, the award will be renamed the "Barack H. Obama Award" and presented annually to President Barack Obama.
In recognition of the pitch he threw at the 2009 All-Star Game, President Barack Obama has been named today as MVP of the 2009 World Series.
The Heisman Trophy Trust announced today that the iconic bronze statue will be recast, with a shirtless Barack Obama replacing the anachronistic college football figure from the 1930s. In a mild departure from tradition, the President will be portrayed clutching a basketball, though a similar arm-forward pose will be used. Also, the 2009 award and all future Heisman Trophy awards will be presented th Barack Obama
The Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now (ACORN) has named President Barack Obama as their "Customer of the Year" for 2009. The White House had no comment. Senator Al Franken (D-MN) was disappointed in his second-place showing, but congratulated the President in a press release.
The National Organization for Women followed the lead of the Nobel Peace Prize committee and named President Barack Obama as NOW's "Woman of the Year" for 2009. When questioned about the President's lack of female gender, the spokesperson said, "He said he WANTS to be female someday, and we think that's good enough for us."
Seen elsewhere on the Internet: Barack Obama has been named Motor Trend's Car of the Year.
The First Lady announced that for the first time in her adult life she is proud of Norway.
"Hey honey, Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize." "For what?" "Exactly."
Seen elsewhere on the Internet: The voting was close, but it was the Beer Summit that put Obama over the top.
Happiest guy in the world right now? The guy that had Barack Obama on his Fantasy Nobel Prize team.
I wonder if he sued to get all the other candidates off the ballot this time?
In a little-noted announcement, William Ayers received an 'Assist' award in the Nobel Prize for Literature category.
Chuck Norris could win the Nobel Peace Prize by default, simply by killing everyone else on the planet. Lucky for us, Chuck Norris does not want the Nobel Peace Prize.